it breaks my heart knowing that i will never receive a blowjob
what the fuck why do so many people think they will never receive a blowjob
Because we have vaginas
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
|parents:||okay we will be home at 11 o'clock!|
|me:||they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now|
SpongeBob, where’s my order?
Did you look under the tray?
Oh. No I didn’t, sorry.
MONKEYS in the ARCTIC?! whats next, vampires on the weekend?!
but imagine if there were dragons
you punks are all so daft
this post is making boys fall out of their seats.
A compilation of some of my favourite text posts
the loki one and the fart one got me